im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
