she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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