I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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