Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
