I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
dude i'm inner monologue high
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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