I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
