I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
