Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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