When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
