Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize