you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
