He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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