Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
