I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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