I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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