You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
