I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Pants are for mortals
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
