I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
