our cab driver is having phone sex.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
