come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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