Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
