Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i wish my penis had a tongue
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
