When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
