Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
