I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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