i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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