Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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