my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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