you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
