She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
