Three words: puerto rican gang bang
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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