it hurts more in the daytime
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
