I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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