Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
