oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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