guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
