you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
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No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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