we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
