Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
