eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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