Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
