is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
