i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Randomize
