I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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