There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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