Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Randomize
