all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
