i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
