I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
