Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
