I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Randomize
