The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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