I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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