I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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