the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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