sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
