And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
