I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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