Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
