I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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