So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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