Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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