you traded sex for a burrito?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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