Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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