I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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