What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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