just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
