My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This gyro tastes like lonliness
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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