I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
time to smoke my breakfast
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
