Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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