I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
