just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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