i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
