Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
