Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
