Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
