So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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