I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
