I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
