Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
