Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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