i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
